Who do I believe?

Do I believe God is big enough?

I've been worrying about two major things lately.

            Will I be financially taken care of this year?
            Will I be physically healthy to compete?

Both things have come crashing down on me while the first tournament comes closer and closer. I don't have much money to travel with. I didn't have a lot of money to travel with last year. I started saving money in college from my scholarships checks and was able to get a nice chunk of change to start my career. After 5 years of school, I used all the money I saved to start my professional tennis career and go out and conquer to tour. There has been times when I have called upon my wonderful parents and my uncle who has been so generous to help out when I most needed it. Along with my family, God has clearly provided for me when I least expected it.

I was gearing up for the last leg of my season. I think it was around September or October. I was at home training for a week or two preparing for the next tournaments. I planned on playing up until the middle of November. I remember having enough money to get to one tournament, maybe two. I've been in this situation before. I remember knowing how many more tournaments I could play, not knowing how I'll afford everything that it takes to get to each tournament, not knowing what will happen.

I was driving back home from a workout when I received a phone call from my mom. She told me she was just at a fundraiser for hospice care. She happened to talk with someone she was acquainted with before. She shared a bit about what I was doing and where I was at in my career. He was so generous that he said he wanted to help out financially. I contacted him the next day and he sent me a check in the mail. It was enough to let me travel to the rest of the tournaments!

I couldn't believe it. It was such a great relief and a nice surprise.

Now I'm here again. I start my year in two weeks with the first tournament in California. I saved some money by teaching younger girls in the area, but not enough to get me by for the first few months. Will I have faith? Will I believe God is big enough to care for me?

I've also been caring for a shoulder injury that has kept me off the courts here and there over this break. I fear I won't be able to even start at the end of this month. I know the important thing is to do what I can. I'm taking care of all the small things and letting the unknowns be left alone. I'm going to a doctor to work on my shoulder three times a week. I'm icing and stretching. I'm working out and doing what I can in the gym and off the court. It's easy to worry and to wonder what will happen in the next few weeks, few days, tomorrow. I've been working hard on not letting those thoughts take over my mind and my outlook on the future. I can't assume what will happen.

Once I do start to get back out on the court I hope I can start serving like this.
(The video may be hard to view. If you can't see where the ball is just imagine an out wide serve that's untouchable!)

Macall's Fact of the Day:

When learning something new take it slow and don't over do it. Your muscles may not be used to moving in that particular motion. Be patient with yourself and know that it takes time to learn something to make it automatic in your game. If you have to continue to think about it, it's not quite there yet. 

I do believe God is big enough. I believe I will be taken care of. I'll keep you updated on how the shoulder is feeling and what's happening. To end on a positive note, I was able to get housing for the first three tournaments of the year! 

Now I'm off to enjoy this wonderful So Cal weather! 

Mental War

One of the areas I wanted to work on during my time off from tournaments is my mental game. I talk with many players on the tour and not much is mentioned about this aspect of the game. When we talk about tennis it’s about what we’re working on stroke wise. I changed my serve, I’m learning a slice backhand, I want to improve my volleys. Comments like these are more common than talking about mental stuff. It would be great to get a group going, maybe a website, where players can share their own personal experiences and insights on what has helped them improve, encourage, motivate, overcome, surpass, difficult moments in their career, on the tour, in matches, etc.

It may be a shock to some of you but people close to me know me as a negative Nancy. I lean towards a negative outlook rather than a positive one. I sure wish I could say I look at the glass half full all the time but sadly it doesn’t always happen. Even with this “attribute” of mine, I think I can proudly and confidently state I’m very motivated and determined (sometimes taking it as far as being stubborn). It’s almost like a balancing act with these two. One wants to bring me down and the other lifts me up. My beautiful and wonderful friend Hannah tells me all the time to stop being Negative Nancy and start being Confident Connie! J

Nancy and Connie fight between each other all the time. Nancy wants to look at things negatively. She thinks it’s safer. You won’t get hurt and you’ll be prepared because you’ll know what you’re up against. You’ll know what to improve and overcome. Connie swoops in and wants to prove that thinking wrong. Connie wants to prove others wrong as well and show them that I can do it and make it.

I hope I don’t sound like a schizophrenic maniac here.  I thought I was being creative.

Nancy is a big, monstrous wall I put up in front of me that is unnecessary. I keep building imaginative boulders just to feel like I’m worth anything and I’ve accomplished something. This is not ideal. To really move forward and accomplish something requires mounds of grace and heaps of confidence. Two things I give myself only when I’m dying on the side of the road with a severed arm and a puncture wound on my leg.

With all this being said, I hope the time spent here at home getting ready for the upcoming season will have something to show for. I believe I can improve my ranking and become a top competitor in tennis.

Because it’s 1-11-11 let’s make a wish and proclaim I CAN DO IT!