Toluca, Mexico

This post was meant to be posted about a week ago but I never finished it since it was negative and just random thoughts. But I decided to post it anyways.

I don't even know where to start this post at. I will just ramble on. It'll be a stream of consciousness post.

Why did I even come to Mexico? I chose between the BNP WTA pre-qualifier and three tournaments in Mexico. What was I thinking? I could have stayed close to home because the pre-qualifier for a WTA tournament was only 2 hours from my house. My family could have been there. But I chose Mexico and I was confident in it.

I have been re-thinking my decision since the first week of Mexico I got sick and had to retire out of my singles match. Luckily I recovered pretty quickly and was able to play doubles. My partner and I made it to the finals which is great, but I always want to do well in singles too. The second week of Mexico (Toluca, the title of this post) was even worse. I just didn't care about anything. I was struggling with thoughts, with my desire, with my attitude. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to play tennis that day. So I didn't. I struggled mentally and it showed on the court. I ended up winning the first set somehow and then really went south the next two sets. I honestly didn't care if I won or lost that day. I ended up losing of course. My attitude was poor because of the housing, the city, the culture, the language, the courts, the facility, the food. Everything was getting to me. I got a little sick again during the tournament but instead of things coming up like the first week, things were going out the bottom the second week.

I couldn't hold myself together. I succumbed to the obstacles and let them win. I didn't put them aside for the match and just play tennis. I put them in front of me and that's all I could see.

I was frustrated I was sick again. I was frustrated the housing wasn't what I expected. I stayed with this family last year and they were great. This time around it was like they never knew me. They barely spoke English, they were always late, they always fed us late, it took around 30 minutes to get to the club, and it was just plane awkward staying at their house.

I had a conversation with my coach that really helped put things in perspective. The main thing he said was each match is an opportunity not an obstacle.  Look for ways to be successful, not excuses to fail. With everything he said including the above quote, I really learned something. I realized I shouldn't regret coming to Mexico. I shouldn't regret not playing the BNP. I should believe I made the right chose. I wouldn't have learned more mental toughness without going through these experiences. I could look at the situation and think I wasted 2 weeks. But I don't think I did. I may not have the results I want but going through what I did has made me stronger and more aware of what I can do if I ever feel or go through something like this again. And I'm sure I will feel like this again.


My roommate, travel buddy, and doubles partner is from Austria. In German there's a saying she introduced me to. 

zwick die oaschbocken zamm

This means "Put your butt together"!!!

It's similar to come on, let's go and fight!

So, I will do that.
I will put my butt together and fight on!